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This was a PAIN to set up. But BOY is it FANTASTIC!

I realize it's an iPod world. But there's nothing like hearing music through SPEAKERS! STEREO speakers, not those little ones by your computer, ones that fill up your entire HOUSE with sound.

I've had this shit in my house since March. Not having the time to dedicate to setting it up. You see nothing's easy with computers. Oh, it's SUPPOSED to be easy, but then you hit a wall...and the frustration drives you WILD! You're doing what the instructions tell you to, but the damn shit won't work. And you can't go to sleep, do anything else, until it does. You burn HOURS.

Or maybe only minutes. That's the conundrum. I mean are you feeling LUCKY?

Then they wanted the stuff back. Which I gladly agreed to do. I mean I don't live in that big a house, if I just turn it up in the living room I can hear it in the bedroom. Wireless music throughout the house? I'm not the right customer.

Then they blinked. Well, if I WOULD set it up...

So I tore apart the giant box that's been sitting in the living room and found out it contained no speakers. It was BIG enough to contain speakers, it just didn't. That was part of the deal, I needed EVERYTHING, I mean I don't have an extra set of B&W's sitting around.

So they FedExed me speakers. Called my bluff.

So I tried to set the stuff up.

And I got one of those error messages that drive you wild. That tell you to do something not in the manual, not on the Website...they expect you to be CLAIRVOYANT! Yup, I was just supposed to update the box via the controller. You know how to do that, DON'T YOU?

Well, finally a Sonos support person e-mailed me the technique, and I got over that hurdle, but then I had a tech conundrum. Do you enable sharing and punch a hole in your firewall?

With "Newsweek" and the rest of the media warning that our identities are going to be stolen, do you really want to make it EASY FOR THEM? I got halfway through on my Mac and I blinked. Would my MP3s suddenly be visible to the entire world, the RIAA?

So I started over on my PC. And got another error message that made no sense.

And now I was pissed. I was chewing up my time. How great was this shit anyway?

Oh, they said they'd send somebody to my house. But I like to figure this stuff out myself. The average person wouldn't have somebody coming to his house. What if you lived in Pocatello?

So I fired off an angry e-mail message...you know the kind you compose when you've had just about as much tech frustration as you can endure...and they had a tech rep call me.

He assured me that nobody else could see my Mac. That the hardware firewall in my router would prevent this. But then why is Walt Mossberg railing on and on about the necessity of firewalls?

That's what this guy thought the problem was on my PC. Zone Alarm was preventing the unit from seeing the Sonos unit.

But I'd followed the Zone Alarm instructions on the Sonos site. Which, of course, did not comport with the reality on my computer desktop, and I hadn't been able to solve the problem.

So there was only one option left. He was going to have to go in. To my machine.

It was like "Fantastic Voyage". I launched Firefox. Entered a code. Downloaded this little software program. And suddenly, this guy in Santa Barbara had taken over my computer. I was just sitting at my desk, hands by my side, and the mouse was moving!

I guess there are geeks, then there are GEEKS!

And I needed a geek of this caliber to solve my problem. Even though my PC was working fine, he said that it didn't trust my wireless network. He altered a configuration so they'd play together.

And there were other firewall changes to be made. For a moment there, even the GUY was frustrated.

But, finally, having proven that I'm not a complete idiot, that there WAS a problem, even though Hans didn't think the installation would work, it DID!

I told him not to go. While he was still on he could help me configure the Sonos box in the bedroom, the one attached to the speakers. Oh, it seemed simple enough to me, but NOTHING had been simple to this point (although, if I had been willing to risk it, I would have had none of these firewall problems on my Mac, where the firewall is built into the operating system and there isn't a war behind the desktop, different software manufacturers fighting to control your machine).

And then, VOILA! The whole fucking thing worked. Just like that. Pink Floyd's "See Emily Play" was pouring out of the speakers in my bedroom.

That's all I could play. You see Sonos would stream all the MP3s on my computer, it's just that all my music files are on my Mac. And I was on my PC.

But my PC has Rhapsody.

Apple will continue to win the war. Asshole idiots like Howard Stringer, who label the iPod "Dopi spelled backward", just don't get it. It's very simple. It's about ease of use. You don't need any support to install Apple software. And you don't need instructions on how to use it. It's INTUITIVE! I'd say a child can figure it out, but children are tech experts, I'd say in this case a BABY BOOMER can figure it out.

Whomever designed Rhapsody should be shot. It's COUNTERINTUITIVE! Logic doesn't enter the picture. There are dual sets of controls, multiple libraries/places where your music resides...it's a TURN-OFF!

But it turns out that Sonos only uses one facet of Rhapsody. All the other confusing junk is irrelevant. To use Sonos, you just add a track or an album to your library. And this Hans taught me, and this was easy. Not as easy as iTunes, but understandable. You search, you find, you click and then you add, you hit the +. And this would be a pain in the ass if you had to add tracks individually, but you can just click once to add whole ALBUMS! Of course you have to keep searching, keep going back and forth to FIND those albums, but once they're in your library...

You can find them on the Sonos controller.

Turns out Sonos is Apple-like. MOST of the commands, most of the features on the controller, you can figure out almost immediately.

So, after hearing "See Emily Play", which we added as a demo, after I let Hans go, I went back into the other room and started adding tracks... But this was so SLOW! Then, I figured out how to add all the tracks I'd played recently on Rhapsody to my library. Oh, you click on the first, hold down the shift key, and then click on the last. Then drag them to the library. Computer 101 if you're a geek, a technique unknown by just about anybody else. Oh, I searched for an easier way, but couldn't find one.

And then, with about fifty tunes in my Rhapsody library, I rushed into the bedroom.

You see, the stuff in your Rhapsody library is INSTANTLY seen by Sonos.

And once in the bedroom, I could scroll through my entire library on the controller, and dial up anything, INSTANTLY!

Let me explain. That's what Sonos is. A way to stream the music on your computer to speakers elsewhere wirelessly. Of course you can do this with an Apple AirPort Express. Just one problem. There's no remote for the AirPort Express. You've got to be in front of your computer, or you've got to drag your laptop with you, not the biggest pain in the ass, but do you want your PowerBook on the patio table along with your gin and tonics?

You plug a Sonos box into your network. Into a router. Which is NECESSARY. You need one with a built-in hardware firewall, which I only found out from Hans, on the phone. I've got two. One DOESN'T have this firewall. Although most you can buy today do. Then, you load the software on your computer, authorize the box and you're up and running. (Assuming you have none of the problems detailed above.) THEN, you can stream music to the speakers attached to the Sonos box. You need a box for each set of speakers. Yup, this is expensive, but everything cool IS in the beginning.

Then, Sonos will stream all your music to wherever you have a box and speakers. WIRELESSLY! Even different music to different boxes.

Now just yesterday, Sonos introduced streaming of Internet radio stations. It's cool.

But what makes Sonos so great, what puts a shiteating grin on your face, is the interface with Rhapsody. SUDDENLY, you can have just about the entire library of popular music AT YOUR FINGERTIPS! AND, you're not limited to this, you can ALSO play the music you've ripped (or stolen!) You can't play the tracks you purchased at the iTunes Music Store, but did you expect otherwise?

So imagine you were at Tower Records. Or the Virgin Megastore. Or some other music retailer that still has an inventory. Imagine being able to buy an album JUST BY TOUCHING IT!

That's what it's like with Sonos and Rhapsody. You're not married to your computer, it's just like in the old days, your music is coming out of your regular stereo speakers, it's just like you own it.

Oh, yes, you're renting. But, as stated above, Sonos will play everything you own too.

But I know. It's just like everything else tech. You just don't get it until you USE IT!

So I'm in my bedroom, lying on the bed, with the controller in my hand. Very easily I scroll and find all fifty tracks I transferred from my recently played list in Rhapsody. They're easily findable. Broken down by artist, album and title. I just navigate the menus, with an iPod like wheel with a center click button, and I HEAR THEM!

Bryan Adams' "Open Road". For the first time ever I'm hearing the track through BIG speakers, REAL speakers, STEREO speakers. It sounds rich, the sound is washing over me, it's embracing me, I'm bathing in it, I'm hearing it like I've never heard it before.

So I pulled up "East Side Story".

It was easy. I just pressed the back button, the one with the circular arrow pointing backward.

And I selected it.

And on the screen of the REMOTE there was a picture of the album cover and complete track information.

It was THRILLING!

So I went back into the living room, And started adding albums from Rhapsody like mad. Almost instantly I had "Tumbleweed Connection" and the first Elton John album. And both Dido records. And a ton of Doobies. And all of Bryan Adams. And Boston. (It's easier to add the old stuff, it's embedded in your DNA!)

Then I rushed into the other room and started dialing in tracks. It was easy.

But it wasn't only the track I had control of. I could adjust the volume of the speakers, which I did when my landlady started walking by my house.

I'm sure you still don't get it. Hell, I didn't. Like I told you, I had the shit in my house for MONTHS! Just like XM...

Maybe it's because it's not manufactured by Microsoft. Sonos just works.

Oh, there was that one initial glitch. Asking me to upgrade the software of the Zone Player box from the controller, with no instructions on how to do this, but all my trouble after this was courtesy of the boys in Redmond. Who made their operating system so porous that I've got to run Zone Alarm to prevent hackers from prying into my hard drive.

If you came over. Added your favorite albums from Rhapsody. Held the controller in your hand. Heard your choices coming out of the speakers. You'd be just like me. You'd have a shiteating grin on your face, amazed how fucking COOL this is!

(Meanwhile, maybe I spoke too soon. Suddenly, "Where The Streets Have No Name" crapped out. I had to get up and check the PC. Rhapsody had lost the connection. So much for STREAMING! What's worse, the program would not only not reconnect, it wouldn't even RELOAD! I had to reboot the whole fucking PC. I tell you, if you haven't switched to Mac yet you're a loser. No viruses and everything WORKS!)

P.S. Rhapsody just crapped out again. Meanwhile, it's not an Internet problem, I can still stream Internet radio from my Sonos controller. They really expect Rhapsody/subscription streaming services to break through and be dominant? Is it that Windows users are so used to glitches that they'll tolerate bullshit like this? I mean I'm supposed to get up every ten minutes and reboot my computer? These guys remind me of the Administration. What they tell you doesn't comport with reality. Plays for sure? FUCKED FOR SURE!

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