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Sweet mother of pearl, I just love them DVDs! And nothing Gary's my Coleman like Rhino's fabu reissues of perhaps the most revered B-Movie studio this side of Roger Corman ... Oh yeah, I'm talkin' about Crown International Pictures- the studio that brought us such jiggle-tastic gems as Las Vegas Lady, Adam West's tour de force performance in The Specialist and of course, My Tutor (which frankly I believe puts the "hubba" in hubba hubba!). But today I come before you lovely folks to wax philosophic on one of the more overlooked titles in the Crown canon, Cave Girl, from the year of our lord nineteen hundred and eighty-five.
How would you like to be some hapless nerd who accidentally gets thrust back 25,000 years? If you were Rex (our protagonist, brilliantly portrayed by the great Daniel Roebuck), anthropology junkie-cum-babe repellant, you'd be happier than a pig in its own filth. Twentieth century? Shmuntieth century! This guy does what every red -blooded American would do: he stays in Neanderthal central! Would you go back if you had the lovely Cynthia Thompson (in the title role) at your beck and call? I don't think so. This guy is probably the most envied movie character in the history of modern cinema. I mean he fights mountain lions, starving cannibals, gets made chief of his tribe and gets the girl. Does that happen in The French Connection? Hell no! And can you get that film on DVD for under ten bucks? Don't even dream kids cause it ain't gonna happen!
So circle Feb.12 on the old calendar kiddies cause that's when this lost classic hits the shelves. Until then, put another Crown International DVD on the old player and break out the Jiffy Pop and the Diet Shasta Orange, because ya never know when old La Stu will be knockin' on your door!
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