BEYONCE
THREE SONGS?? God, there's a back story here. They couldn't get Melissa Etheridge, Joss Stone, even ARETHA FRANKLIN?? Couldn't Gil Cates have at least laid a few thou on Aretha to drive her bus out to the west coast and ENTERTAIN us? You remember when she sang opera, I'm SURE Aretha could have wowed us, added some punch to these wholly lame numbers.
But NO, we've got to be subjected to a woman with no pedigree who didn't sing ANY of the original songs. And we've got to be subjected to her THREE TIMES!!
As for appealing to the youth, if you believe this you probably think that J. Lo atrocity at the Grammys held HER audience.
New rule. You can only sing one song at the Oscars. Give somebody else A CHANCE!
COUNTING CROWS
Hell, let's give credit where credit's due.
It's now absolutely clear that the REAL talent lies with T-Bone Burnett. That this act was a third rate combo which was LUCKY to work with the famed lanky producer. Yes, "August And Everything After" was everything albums are not today. Good, and playable through and through. FURTHERMORE, it sounded like nothing else in the marketplace. THUS, it sold in excess of five million copies.
Everything after the debut, done without Mr. Burnett, has been pure trash.
And a song from SHREK?? Have you got no dignity? Do you even know what the word "credibility" MEANS?
THAT'S what's wrong with today's record business. Acts are SO fearful of being bumped from the mainstream, they'll take ANY opportunity that comes down the pike. Even one an AUDIENCE member wouldn't.
And speaking of audience members...
I haven't EVER seen one with as lame a hairdo as Adam Duritz. DUDE, you're going bald. But didn't you get the memo? If you're ashamed, you can SHAVE YOUR HEAD!! Instead of wearing dreads that have Bob Marley rolling in his grave.
And the song itself gives "ditty" a bad name.
CHRIS ROCK
You take the gig and then you fumble??
God, where's YOUR integrity? You were more on, more intense, BETTER in the RUN-UP than you were on the damn show.
Now if you were just a talking head, I'd cut you a break. But you're a professional COMEDIAN! You write and tell jokes for a LIVING! How fucking bad can you BE? You only tell one reasonable joke, comparing Bush to a Gap employee, and you don't even FINISH IT?!
You're probably afraid of the Republicans.
Or the Academy was afraid of the Republicans.
Matt Drudge makes a stir and you BACK OFF?
This has gone WAY too far. Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly, they're just commentators. If they come down on you, you don't soften up, you go for the JUGULAR, just like THEY DO!
There's nothing wrong with your act Chris. It's why you're the hippest, most successful comedian in America. It's why you entered this evening to a standing ovation. You're changing your act as a result of pressure to satisfy WHO?? Right wing pundits who hate you on principle and an Academy so out of touch and near the grave as to be FRIGHTENED by the street? You were hired to lure the kids in. You blew it. You played by the man's rules. I expected more of you.
CLINT
Is there anybody under the age of fifty who cares??
I mean give Clint credit for making a real flick, but can't anybody under the age of THIRTY make a real flick for KIDS?? Do they all have to be "Win A Date With Tom Hamilton" or shoot-em-ups with Vin Diesel?
The movies are dying.
Yes, the only people who believe in the movies are septuagenarians who remember the days BEFORE television and a few film school kids at NYU.
Oh, the BABY BOOMERS will tell you they believe in the movies, they'll even watch this SHOW! But they don't fucking GO to the movies. Oh, they've got A MILLION excuses. They can't get a babysitter, the films are too violent, they're too EXPENSIVE! So, studios make flicks for them which tank and then they STOP making flicks for them.
And why make movies for a discerning audience when you can make movies for KIDS! The LEAST discerning audience OF ALL!
Kids go to the movies TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! To wreak havoc, do drugs, NECK! All the shit they can't do in their PARENTS' house.
But the people who MAKE the movies have contempt for these kids. They think they can't digest anything with any substance, they can't follow a STORY! So, today's kids believe movies are about special effects. The only reason to go to the movies is to see something SO fucking expensive it CAN'T be done on TV.
They had TV when I grew up. But in the movies, they presented stories too dangerous for TV. Hard stuff. With deep questions. The movies were for THINKING people. Just the opposite of the case today.
Oh, the studios think they're laughing all the way to the bank. With their zillion dollar productions sold around the world, with merchandise and marketing tie-ins.
But disaster is just around the corner. Yup, just like Viacom and Clear Channel had to write off a great percentage of the value of their radio station holdings, the value of studios is going to DROP! Because it costs too much money to try and reach people who don't give a shit. Unless you give people a reason to care, your business is tenuous. Radio added a ton of commercials, played lame music, and people tuned out. The major labels sold lowest common denominator crap, and people tuned out. Same thing is going on with the movies. Baby boomer execs think they're on a never-ending gravy train. But I've got to clue them in. The public is wise. Even the kids. They know what's good and bad. They know Ashlee Simpson sucks and MTV plays no music and movies are forgettable. Which is why they're addicted to the Internet and video games. BOTH of which are more visceral and more exciting than traditional entertainment. Believe me, if they canned the Oscars and had a TV video game competition, giving away $100,000...ratings would go through the ROOF! Every teenager would hook up his X-Box to play Halo 2. THAT'S where the action is. Not music, and not the movies. If you don't know this, I feel VERY sorry for you.
MARTY SCORSESE
Can't tell a fucking story. His movies are endless episodes, well-filmed, that don't add up.
Woody Allen didn't go to film school, but he knew it was about the mental RIDE! You don't need exorbitant sets, you don't need stars, you just need innovative STORY!
True, Woody's over the hill.
But so is Scorsese. "The Aviator" was a piece of junk. SURE, the dance scene at the Ambassador was amazing. But, it's just like music, production is SECONDARY to tunes. Sets are secondary to STORY!!
Marty doesn't know how to build a story to a climax and then release you at the end. His movies have multiple peaks and valleys. Sure, he's not a hack, but if this is the best we've got, wow!
Coppola was a master storyteller. And that's why for all the hoopla about "Raging Bull", "The Godfather" movies have outgrossed it times a zillion.
JANN CARL AND BILLY BUSH
You're not the actors' friends. You're just good-looking talking heads who are lucky to have jobs. FURTHERMORE, the stars talk to you because they need the publicity. That's what being a star is. You don't have to thank them for taking time out to talk to you when you're done.
CATE BLANCHETT
A great actress who did a horrible job as Katharine Hepburn in "The Aviator". You never wanted to smack the real Katharine Hepburn across the face and tell her to shut up. But watching this movie you wanted to reach into the screen and do SOMETHING to make Cate Blanchett stop. She was shrill. She was nutty. She was edgy. Whereas Ms. Hepburn was confident, and nuanced, comfortable in her own skin. JUST because you employ an accent, JUST because you play a famous actress, DOESN'T mean you're entitled to an Oscar.
EVERYBODY else in this category deserved this award more than you did. But their sin was performing the role as written, underplaying at times, serving the movie instead of sticking out like a sore thumb saying LOOK AT ME, I'M ACTING!
JAMIE FOXX
I've got no problem with this. He WAS incredible.
But a boring film with no arc. Just a fucking travelogue of Ray's life. And the constant flashbacks to the brother dying cried HEAVY, but had no deeper, resonant meaning, at least not one that required these constant repeats.
MORGAN FREEMAN
I ain't NEVER gonna argue with Morgan Freeman. He's so good, it doesn't LOOK like he's acting. (Hello, calling Meryl Streep, are you taking notes??)
But, I would have loved to have seen Thomas Haden Church win this. It takes an incredible amount of effort to play dumb. We know people like this. The fact that they're not fully likable doesn't mean that Church shouldn't have won this award.
THE INCREDIBLES
If Steve Jobs were a record executive, he would have been up on stage ranting and raving, basking in the glory.
But Mr. Jobs knows that great work stands by itself. And, at best, he was just a midwife. That the talent really WAS Brad Bird (paging Clive Davis...when YOU start singing and playing on the records, THEN you're entitled to the accolades).
SIDEWAYS
No, it wasn't as good as conventional wisdom said it was. But THIS was the most important movie made this year. THIS is what the movies used to be. Nuanced tales about individuals trying to get by in society. Encountering the vagaries of life and trying to navigate their way through. THIS is a seventies movie.
Unfortunately, kids didn't see it because it had no STARS!
Then again, kids today don't want to see adult movies. There's no respect in that. It's not like a teenager seeing "Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice" in the sixties. Yup, then kids were CURIOUS about being adults.
Then again, this flick had an R rating and kids couldn't get in.
THIS is the kind of movie studios should be making. Because movies like this will make the audience RESPECT films once again. Get them CURIOUS about films. Get them GOING!
And, couldn't there be a teen movie about dating and breakups that doesn't involve cheerleaders and happiness at the end?
FURTHERMORE, Alexander Payne's speech was key. He said Fox Searchlight kept its hands OFF!
Once again, are you listening Clive Davis?
Are you listening all you record execs who trust the research?
Artistry comes from the creators. Oftentimes it's AHEAD of the audience. But without artists testing the leading edge, you don't HAVE art, you've just got industry.
PRESENTING IN THE AUDIENCE
So now the general public knows what we insiders know. That awards shows are boring and nobody sits in his seat. Rather, it's a clusterfuck and all the action's out in the lobby, where you can do a year's worth of business in one night.
There were so many empty seats, how in the hell do you expect the audience TO BELIEVE in the movies. They're supposed to be DYING to be there, to meet a movie star. if the stars themselves don't respect the ceremony, why should THEY!
Don't MODERNIZE the Oscar show, add to its DIGNITY! We WANT to see people walk up to the stage as cameras do close-ups on their competitors that lost. And, we WANT to hear their endless victory speeches. We WANT more unscripted banter amongst presenters and winners. It's like we live in a topsy-turvy world, everything important and intriguing is shaved down, while the obvious and pedestrian is played up.
I mean couldn't Chris Rock have told a FEW edgy jokes. I mean just a couple about Michael Jackson, or the dating scene, or SOMETHING about life in these United States? I mean that's what the movies are supposed to be, right? A reflection of LIFE!
Instead I saw airheads with too much plastic surgery parading like royalty. But who are they royalty TO? Certainly not kids. Maybe oldsters and insiders. The show just wasn't on the PULSE! It would have been better if it were produced by the "National Enquirer" or "Us". They AT LEAST know what people want to see.
CHARLIE KAUFMAN
"Eternal Sunshine" was a hard watch. Not as well-directed as his previous screenplay, "Adaptation". STILL, there's hope when something THIS adventurous wins an award. It would be like Ian MacKaye winning an MTV Video Music Award. It sends a signal that the whole enterprise isn't COMPLETELY sold out. That SOMEONE inside still believes.
AWARDS SHOWS
Done. History. A relic of the past.
Awards shows were about COMING TOGETHER! Multiple generations sitting in front of the TV celebrating our shared culture.
But nobody saw all of the movies nominated. The movies come in endless waves. So many open every weekend that you stop paying attention, life's too short. Rather, you pay attention to YOUR world.
You don't listen to Top Forty radio.
You don't watch network TV.
You've got a customized Yahoo homepage. With just the news YOU want.
You TiVo the shows on the three hundred channels YOU want.
You participate in extreme sports. You play video games. You're invested in edgy, outside things that make you feel like you're INCLUDED in something.
We USED to be included in the movie business. But not anymore. The movie business is a club based on lunching with your buddies and creating the blandest product with the most insurance for success. And insurance means international stars, and deals with Burger King and Hasbro. The ELEMENTS have superseded the ESSENCE!
The public is only interested in the essence.
"Satisfaction" was a monster hit because of the way it SOUNDED! Not because Mick Jagger had big lips and was sexy.
"Network" was a must-see because it revealed the heinous inside workings of the news business, NOT because Faye Dunaway was such a big star.
I don't see a righting of the ship in major entertainment. The fat cats have too much of an investment in the system. They can't see tearing it down to rebuild it. They don't want to do anything different. They want risk EVISCERATED! Their goal is to turn entertainment into BANKING!
But that would be like trying to turn love into mathematics. Love is a feeling, that comes over you unexpectedly. It's a rush, it sends you on an emotional roller coaster.
Falling in love happens rarely.
But it used to be that you could go to the movie theater a couple of times a month and have your heart touched in a way that kept you satisfied until the real thing came along.
NOBODY can believe in the pieces of shit Hollywood turns out today.
Hell, the best movie of the last five years wasn't even IN a theatre. And it had TENS of episodes.
I'm speaking, of course, of "The Sopranos".
There was more reality in "The Sopranos" than every movie this year. The whole world stopped when it was on Sunday night. Its ratings eclipsed everything on network.
And it wasn't because it was about the Mafia, and people got killed. No, "The Sopranos" held our interest because it was about PEOPLE! And the hard choices they have to make. About FAMILIES and what you do and don't do to keep them together. How KIDS manipulate their PARENTS, no matter how rich and powerful they might be. THIS is the human condition. THIS is what was absent from "The Aviator". This is what was absent from "Spider-Man". THIS is what is going to save the entertainment business. When it starts aligning again with people's HEARTS, feelings and DESIRES instead of Madison Avenue.
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