1
Being a Peter Gabriel fan wasn't easy. Oh, deep inside, you knew he was the one. That Genesis had his old sound, but not his soul. But the longer he was separate from the band, the further he slid into obscurity. Oh, he made a big splash with the initial album, back in the spring of '77, "Solsbury Hill" was all over the radio, but after that...zilch.
I wasn't a Genesis fan. You could only be into so many prog rock bands. I preferred Yes. But sometimes the hoopla gets you. I bought Peter Gabriel's solo debut without hearing it first, revved up by the advance word, the EXCITEMENT! And I can't tell you I loved every note, certainly not at first, but what I admired, what I liked about the songs that I first couldn't penetrate, was the ADVENTURE! Peter didn't care that the material on his album sounded like nothing else on the radio. It was like he exited the circle, put one foot in front of another, and headed for the hinterlands. And the only question was whether you were going to follow him. I did.
The second album was a bit of a disappointment. Fripp's production was too thin. Peter demanded a richer sound. A full-bodied aural landscape. One akin to classical music, modern SPACE classical music.
And then came the third album. After a delay. After Atlantic wouldn't put it out because they deemed it too uncommercial. At this point, NOTHING good came out on Mercury, but I crossed the line. I was a fan. And that's what fans did. If they liked something, they kept buying. It was like all over America there were believers, touched by the explorations of musical artists. And these believers didn't give up unless the artist gave them a reason to. Which usually was two shitty records in a row. The second Peter Gabriel album wasn't shitty. So I bought the third.
It's a strange feeling to drop the needle on something and find out that you're a member of a super secret club. That you're now on the inside. That you're way ahead of the game. That you've found IT! Doesn't matter what's on the chart, doesn't matter what other people think, emanating from the spinning disc is such greatness that your jaw drops and you believe you've found God. And that it's only a matter of time til everybody else does. Because something THIS good doesn't go unnoticed. Not for long.
Certainly the industry took notice. Peter Gabriel was signed to the hippest label in the land. He went from worst to first. He went from Mercury to Geffen. And suddenly, everybody who was INTO music knew who he was, was into him. It was almost another half decade til Peter went nuclear, with "Sledgehammer". But, somewhere along the line he became self-conscious. He knew he was a star. He blinked a bit. Labored too long on his records, which ended up sounding a bit overwrought. Hell, the LIVE renditions eclipsed most of the studio takes from 1986 on. But, you're hearing the word of a fan. A fan ALWAYS thinks what came before was better.
"Security", in reality "Peter Gabriel" once again, but Geffen made him slap a name on the record, was helped by "Shock The Monkey. It was the video. This sound, this look, the public hadn't seen it before. They became hooked.
But for fans, those already invested, already along for the ride, "Shock The Monkey" was not the peak. It was the album tracks. The majestic "San Jacinto". "Lay Your Hands On Me". And "I Have The Touch".
2
My second favorite download of all time is Michael Hedges' rendition of "Come Talk To Me".
If you've listened to "Us", you probably don't get "Come Talk To Me". The version on the album is too controlled, the emotion isn't released. To know what the song is really about, listen to the version that opens Peter's 1994 album, "Secret World Live". Peter gets out on the stage and BEGS!!
After my wife moved out, she'd call irregularly. I'd like to tell you these conversations were distant, fraught with danger and anxiety. But just the opposite was true. She delivered like we were still living together. I'd never know when she was going to call. I'd come home and check the answering machine. She seemed to move every three months, there was no way to reach her. And then, just when I gave up on ever hearing from her again, I'd be doing laundry, or I'd be sitting at the computer late at night, the phone would ring, and the voice on the other end of the line would say, "Bob, it's Kim." It was shocking, in a way devastating, but when I got off the phone an hour or two or three later, I felt this inner glow, of connection.
And all this time, as years went by, she never asked for a divorce. Actually, went on record for a long time that she definitely DIDN'T want a divorce. Oh, the one time she truly wanted to get back together I'd had enough, and had gotten involved with someone else, and took joy in turning her down, but that relationship didn't last, it just illuminated what I'd lost.
And then "Secret World Live" was released. And "Come Talk To Me" became my anthem. Oh, I don't want to admit it. How I'd be walking down the street, or be home alone, late at night, and in my head, I'd start to hear it:
"Ah please talk to me
Won't you please come talk to me
Just like it used to be
Come on, come talk to me
Come talk to me
Come talk to me"
Finally, over five years later, we reconnected. She looked different. Her hard life had taken a toll on her. It was mindbending. I couldn't cope with the interaction. But, underneath it all, it was still her, there was still a bond. For her birthday, I bought her a copy of "Secret World Live", but I never told her about "Come Talk To Me", and what it meant to me.
And then we got divorced.
Oh, there are more details. Creepy, but not bizarre. And then it was over. And then I discovered Michael Hedges' take on Napster.
Hedges' version is almost resigned. It's his style. Peter Gabriel is going to IMPLORE you to talk to him. Hedges was just going to sing his song, he HOPED you'd heed his call, but if you didn't, his act was enough. He was satisfied with what he was doing. Kind of like me. I'm not even SURE who I want to come talk to me anymore. I get fixated on people, sometimes for YEARS, but the connection never happens. All I've got is myself. And my act.
3
"The time I like is the rush hour, cos I like the rush
The pushing of the people - I like it all so much"
Something happened after the first of the year. I suddenly became in demand. People suddenly wanted a piece of me.
You don't know what a great reward this is. This is why I do this act. For the connection, for the contact.
But at some point, deep in the evening, conversation ends, I get in my car, turn on the XM, and then I'm home. Alone. Oh, I surf my websites. Read my newspapers. Jerk off. But it's creepy, because I'm alone. It was somehow easier when I was in isolation. There was no dichotomy. It was just isolated alienation 24/7. Now it's like there's an on/off switch, and when the switch is flicked, and the darkness settles in, it drives me fucking NUTS! Because, you see, I need contact.
"I'm waiting for ignition, I'm looking for the spark
Any chance collision and I light up in the dark
There you stand before me, all that fur and all that hair
Oh do I dare..."
I'm evaluating. I'm looking for that spark.
And when it happens I feel suddenly ALIVE! Oh, I'm great in the moment. When I'm caught off guard, when it happens serendipitously. It's what comes AFTER that flummoxes me.
Did she feel the same way. Should I make a move. Am I going too fast, or too slow. And it's all very important, because you see, I need contact.
"Pull my chin, stroke my hair, scratch my nose, hug my knees Try drink, food, cigarette, tension will not ease I tap my fingers, fold my arms, breathe in deep, cross my legs Shrug my shoulders, stretch my back - but nothing seems to please
I need contact
I need contact
Nothing seems to please I need contact"
"I Have The Touch" is this weird amalgam of desperation and EXUBERANCE! It's kind of like Peter Gabriel has had a breakthrough. The realization that he NEEDS IT!! THE TOUCH!!! So now, he's on a mission. Everywhere there's potential. In the tube. At the party. He sees all the possibilities. He wants to PARTAKE!
Common wisdom is the golden age of rock and roll was the sixties, that with the advent of corporate rock in the midseventies, it was all over. But that's not true. It's only recently that the acts have become enslaved to the corporation, or too self-conscious, afraid to be fully human. And if you're not human, if you're affected, if you're putting on an act, we can't RELATE! And we desperately want to relate. Because the deep dark secret of humanity is that we ALL want someone to talk to, we all want contact. That's what life is about. Not money. Not achievement. But relation, and touch. And it's so frustrating when your engine is misfiring. When you just can't seem to put it together. But, if you're lucky, you'll discover a song that speaks to you, that seems to have been cut only for you, it will inspire you, it will support you in a way your parents never did, it will assuage your anxiety, as you march towards your heart's desire. Conversation and contact.
And then you'll have it, the touc
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